Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Some Velvet Morning

Live through this...


Ok so I only got to 40 days in a row of the haiku thing...
but I still think it was a pretty momentous personal accomplishment anyway...






Day 37 - 8-10-12
Title: Thirty Seven (Unwritten Letters)
thirty seven thoughts
run away from their master
some best left unsaid




D a y  3 8 - Ninth of October
Title: Thirty Eight (The Great Debate)
no matter what state
you cannot escape your fate
with a thirty eight




day 39 - 10th of the 10th ofthe 12th
title: Thirty Nine (they used to be cool)
are hippies now a
less dominant subculture
thirty nine roach clips




Day 40 - 11th October 2012
Title: Forty (a nice round number)
forty not fourty
merely so by convention
common misspelling



End of sequence... (for now)
Made it to 40


New Stuff:

Possible future topics of discussion:

Sleep is quite a fascinating thing...
that we seem to know relatively very little about
recharge, reorder, replenish, repent?
We just accept that a third of our lives will be black out
circadian rhythms, I miss my second sleep.



Sunday, October 07, 2012

Resistance, Rebellion, and Death.

Can you justify your actions?


Haiku updates for Days 29 through 36 (of 100):


Day 29 - 30/09/12
Title: Twenty Nine (tragic disaster)
went to work that day
those twenty nine men of Pike
never to return





Day 30 - 1st October Twenty Twelve
Title: Thirty (years)
still young at thirty
an age I don't want to be
the end of childhood



Day 31 – 2nd Oct
Title: Thirty One (Cynical excuses)
Thirty one thousand
People killed in Syria
Damn veto power



Day 32 - 3rd Oct
Title: Thirty Two (Shoppers)
Thirty two people
went to the market that day
most bought shiny things






Day 33 - 4th Oct
Title: Thirty three (Stars)
thirty three uppers
downers screamers laughers then
Buzzy McBuzz Buzz




Day 34 - 5/10/12
Title: Thirty four (Crumbles)
rust neglect decay
thirty four years without care
old infrastructure




Thirty Fifth Day - 6th Oct 12
Title: Thirty Five (Animations)
magical comrades
thirty five repeats a day
of Finn and Jake time




Day 36 - 7-10-2012
Title: Thirty Six (placebos)
my hypothesis
thirty six experiments
no more conclusions



God Damn Pinko Liberal Commie Class War


I've seen my brothers working
Throughout this mighty land;
I prayed we'd get together,
And together make a stand.

Then we'd own those banks of marble,
With a guard at every door;
And we'd share those vaults of silver,
That we have sweated for

(Banks Are Made of Marble - Pete Seeger)


Why is it that the poor are "fighting class warfare" when they are just trying to survive...
Whereas if people build up vast amounts of wealth and don't share it, that's cool...

Well to me that's totally fucked, if you really think about life, doesn't it make sense that society should be judged on how it treats the weakest? Trickle down doesn't work, it's trickle up bitches, like Henry Ford observed. If you pay workers enough to purchase products then they will and everybody wins, well except the environment  but we seemed pretty determined to fuck that up too, so whatevs.... I wish everybody had a good work ethic and took personal responsibility for themselves, but that doesn't seem to be realistic, so should we just unleash poverty and let that sort it out? Our proletariat now live in the third world where our products are made. Should we care less about people because they are on the other side of a line on the map? Or because they speak a different language? Our system wants a certain level of unemployment to keep wages low, we exported our slavery. Poverty is not an individual problem. Starvation is caused by lack of distribution, not shortage. But thinking about that stuff just makes me angry. Might go and count my money.

Is it ironic that the news of MLK's death caused riots across America?


Planned Shrinkage

Monday, October 01, 2012

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Micro Financing (Punk Is Dead)

Qualitative Easing continued... see earlier posts for context (or don't, what do I care?)

Days 22 through 28... hopefully they aren't getting worse...





D-22  23/09/12
Title: Twenty Two (Intentions)
telescopic sight
twenty two calibre gun
let god be the judge



Day Twenty Three - 24-9-12
Title: Twenty Three (enigma)
what is the time now
twenty three minutes past ten
that clock is broken



24th Day of 100 - 25 Sept
Title: Twenty Four (hour coverage)
constant stimuli
must fill vacuum at all costs
twenty four seven



Day 25 - 26/09/12
title: Twenty Five (The Best Number)
one point two five score
quarter of a century
twenty five times one




Day 26 -27-9-2012
Title: Twenty six (values)
fortnights in a year
alphabet post square pre cube
twenty six red cards



Day 27 - 28th Sept
Title: Twenty Seven (transit)
the Saturn return
Jim Jimi Janis Kurt went
club twenty seven



D a y  2 8  - - 29/09/12
T i t l e : 2 8 ( r h y m e s )
straight late date wait mate
plenty great twenty eight rate
hate fate state debate

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Good Show Old Boy

__Another Haiku Dump of Non-Epic Proportions (or so they say...)__

--Days 14 through 21 of 100--



- Day 14 - (15/09/12)
Title: Fourteen (Good Friday)
last days of jesus
fourteen stages of passion
stations of the cross


Day 15 - 16 sept
Title Fifteen (fame spiral)
viral bandwagon
famous on the internet
fifteen minutes of shame


Day 16 :-| 17-9-12
Title: Sixteen (scandals)
legal in some states
sweet sixteen in the summer 
silence is consent


Day 17 - 18.09.2012
Title: Seventeen (going back)
seventeen again
ignorant and innocent
why did I do that


D:18 19-9-12
Title: Eighteen (struggles)
eighteen sixty one
crisis precipitates change
sad distracted year


19th Day - 20th Sept
Title: Nineteen (Scenarioes)
fine nineteen degrees
cloud clearing this afternoon
maybe possibly


Day 20 - 21/Sept/2012
Title: Twenty (predictions)
seeing the future
not twenty twenty hindsight
I wish I could know


([Day Twenty One]) {22/09/12}
Title: Twenty One (responsibilities)
get serious now
twenty one age of the key
access the rat race





...are we going on a journey?
not even half way there yet sorry...
 should we just give up now?
and do what instead?
never mind, carry on...
 push on through man

Friday, September 14, 2012

The Death of Television (Auto-tuned Reprise)

[Day Ten] 11-09-12
Title: Ten (ways to sin)
a rule book for life
specific but out of date
the ten commandments


[day eleven][12 Sept 12]
TITLE: Eleven (Cameos/casinos)
rat pack then brad pitt
stars teaming up for crime spree
oceans eleven


D A Y 1 2 - - 13 - s e p t
title: Twelve (scare tactics)
twelve angry monkeys
killing on a death pannel
that does not exist 

{D.a.y 1.3 - 1.4-0.9-1.2}
Title: Thirteen (Stitches)
unlucky for some
thirteen black cats break mirrors
under a ladder

Monday, September 10, 2012

Pre-existing Conditions

The Saga continues... (for now)


[Day Seven] - 8/9/2012
Title: Seven (Chakras)
days seas notes wonders
the magnificent number 
seven deadly sins


[Day Eight] - 09/09/12
Title: Eight (Ohh eight)
eight bits to a byte
ask Henry the octopus
he counts on his legs


[Day Nine] - 10/09/2012
Title: Nine (Lives of Dante)
what do we do next
your guess is as good as mine
nine spheres of heaven



Friday, September 07, 2012

Jon Stewart For President


[Day 6] - 7th september 2012
Title: Six (Clint Eastwood)
the man with no name
saved towns with a six shooter
now bickers with chairs

Thursday, September 06, 2012

Birds Flying High, You Know How I feel...

Day 5 of 100 haiku(s) continues...
Ok so it is day number five and I seem to be coming up with ideas, they are just tending to be on the darker side. Not necessarily on purpose which is a little bit worrying, or not, depending on your point of view I guess... it's funny adding something new into your routine each day. Usually easy to find a good time, but occasionally not.


06th-September 2012* -Day 5:
Title: Five (Greasy Pieces)

five ways to make eggs
scrambled poached fried hard-boiled smashed
fuck uncle Bully


p.s - Sorry if you don't get it. It's an NZ thing.
p.s.s - Sorry if you are offended by profane language, but I'm not really writing this shit for kids yo.


*Day - Month - Year - should be the agreed format for dates, none of this month then day funny business!

Wednesday, September 05, 2012

Hyper Transparency

Can the momentum continue?

Here are yesterday's and today's Haiku (is that the plural of itself?)

4th Sept 2012 (Day 3 of 100?):
Title: Three (Why Here?)

how can we help you?
three fingers of whiskey please
this is a church sir

---{[<--=_--;{};--_=-->]}---

5th Sept 2012 (Day 4):
Title: Four (Jazz Funk Fusion)

post punk folk break step
all genres are pigeon holes
four to the floor mix


wonder how painful/challenging/rewarding this is going to be....

Monday, September 03, 2012

Quartz, Parchment, Shears

100 Day Haiku Adventure
3rd Sept 2012 (Day Two):
Title: Two (together alone)


tranquil seclusion
just two of us forever
Josef Fritzl said


Oh no if I'm resorting to talking about Fritzl on the second day, then how dark will this sequence get? It was just a random idea I got and couldn't reject. Wanted to bring out the dark sinister side of the line "just two of us forever" but might have gone to the extreme. But it happened so there is no point denying it or not thinking he could possibly be one of the worst humans ever, outside of wartime. How did that happen though? And for so many years. FFS

Sunday, September 02, 2012

Patterns Within Patterns



OK so I heard this idea on the radio this morning about doing something over and over again for 100 days. Lot's of other people have done this recently in NZ as part of the "100 day Project". Basically picking some sort of (hopefully enjoyable) creative task or process, and repeat it everyday for one hundred days in a row. So I wanted to pick something that is challenging enough that I will want to do it and stay motivated, but not something that is so difficult that I won't be able to insert it into my daily life or complete on a repetitive basis. Something unrestricted enough to allow 100 days of exploration, but not so general that it will lose all meaning and be given up. Different phases of emotion will be gone through, but the work will have to remain constant. So I could possibly draw something, take a photo, write something, paint something, make something; possibilities can go on toward infinity...

but I have deciced to write a Haiku a day for 100 days, titled 'One' to 'One Hundred'. Hopefully, that is if I can complete it! The only restriction being that each day's haiku will be titled by the number of that day and it has to use the number of that day somewhere in it.

Ok so without futher adieu, this shall be day one's attempt:


2nd Sept 2012 (Day One):
Title: One (Pole position)


alone by itself
is the loneliest number
single, hole in one


let's see if I can stick with this... doesn't mean I am going to put them up on here daily, just means I will write one each day, but eventually they will go on here for annoyance, posterity, etc...

Thursday, August 23, 2012

I'm Not The Walrus

are you?

elephant in the room

advertisement break

online discussion forum

bogged down by name calling
monsters in the swamp
crabs in a barrel
stagnant trolls

ignorance and fear
have had far longer to take root
than science and reason
which are relative newcomers
to the fray

are there certain things we have to think about?
or can it all be ignored forever?
don't think about it

sometimes you just have to go for it...

custard eye

far better than hello goodbye

Monday, August 20, 2012

Right Of Asylum



When a diplomatic row between the United Kingdom and Ecuador, is sparked by the threat of extraditing an Australian to Sweden, so he can be possibility be sent for trial in the United States of America, for leaking info sourced in Iraq; that's globalisation for you.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Free Pussy Riot


My 2 cents/DNR

I usually give my views less overtly and more indirectly that this, but the current conversations in media and societies that I monitor are escalated beyond reason toward ignorance, arrogance and shouting...

abortion is not great but it's her choice
gay marriage is not going to harm heterosexual marriages
euthanasia is not pleasant but ends suffering
drugs can be addictive and harmful, but so are alcohol and tobacco
keep your own morale crusade to yourself
let people have their own opinion
people should be able to decide for themselves
as long as their descison does not harm others
we should pretty much get to please ourselves
theres no excuse for discrimination
don't try to tell me God's opinion
I don't think he would appreciate your tone
stop telling others what to do

Friday, August 17, 2012

Rube Goldberg Machine

Mission Creep
Division and Anger


Anxious Narcissism
Lifestyle Maintenance

Elegant Solutions
Diminishing Returns

Don't Feed The Trolls
You'll be judged


"it's always funny when the joke is on someone else...


wars unite people against a common foe
just like sports

cos we always need an enemy right?

to unite the group and such

or take their resources
whatever way we can
(ab)use our power


Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Post-Post-Post-Post-Post-Post-Post

Post-Modern, Post-Apocalyptic, Post-Coitus, Post-Olympic, Post-Rock, Post-Punk, Post-Grunge, Post-Dubstep, Post-Graduate, Post-Traumatic, Post-Everything, Post-Racial, Post-Cultural, Post-American, Post-Colonial, Post-Cold War, Post-Millennial, Post-Op, Post-Structuralism, Post-feminism, Post-Kyoto, Post-Hiroshima, Post-Haste, Post-Zionism, Post-Dated, Post-Mortem, Post-It, Post-Liberal, Post-Industrial, Post-Commercial, Post-Post-Modern, Post-Man Pat

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Bo Xilai

"the figure at the center of the drama whose fall from grace earlier this year plunged into disarray the party's plans for a smooth reshuffle of is top leaders"

"the elephant in the room that this entire press release is dancing around—they clearly don't want to imply his culpability in this"

former party chief of Chongqin and until recently a leading candidate for promotion
once seen as a high-flyer tipped for top office
ousted Politburo member

above the law?

"China’s leaders have also tried to ring-fence the scandal, presenting it as the solitary case of an errant senior official."

Timeline

Monday, August 06, 2012

Provincial Reconstruction Team

Unrepentantly postulating theoretical incursions into unknown territorial waters of knowledge and powerlessness. Usually starting an argument or debate, then going on a tangent and not completing...

Alternative histories, other ways of living.
Not being hooked into the 'system'.

Too alternative for the mainstream, but too mainstream for the alternative.

Then and now introducing some odious and divisive buzzwords in the tune of an eighties song for those with a tenuous grasp on modern history:

Mass shooting, proxy war
assassination, holocaust

Vietnam, J.F.K
World War II, M.L.K

Woodstock, Watergate
Cover-up, motorcade

Abdication, renegade
abortion clinic, hand grenade

Freedom fighter, terror raid
genocide, space race

9-11, Middle-East
religious clash, R.P.G

Suicide pact, W.M.D
AK-47, Wiki-leak

Israel, Palestine
Iron Curtain, Breadline

Northern Ireland, Yugoslavia
local conflict, deadly drama

Nepotism, abuse of power
trade dispute, napalm shower

Mates rate, space dust
date rapes, fake lust



We didn't start the fire... it was just a Billy Joel song.

The easiest way to get comments online, is to make a spelling mistake....

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Guns or Butter?

Ours is NOT to do or die. 
Ours is just to reason WHY?



The stench of compromise is preferable to the stench of death*




 *except apparently, in case of every war or armed conflict that has ever been, is currently unfolding or will ever occur in the future.

Governments seem to spend far more on military armaments, than education, culture or measures to combat poverty. So spending many more dollars to start a war rather than to stop one. Prevention is better than the cure, unless that prevention is mutually assured destruction. Can't we all just get along? Well obviously not, but can't we all focus a little less on killing people who don't speak our language or participate in our "Free-trade" agreements? Ok well, it's not really so much, the people on the ground  in the populations who want to kill others, but somehow they always end up with leaders that would rather use soldiers than diplomacy. The two World Wars didn't need to happen, but I can hardly imagine how the world would be if they hadn't. The whole system was cruising for a bruising clash, to teach itself how bad war is. Nationalistic rivalries and imperialistic jealousies, seem to trump shared humanity when it comes to the crunch. Just do what the media tells you and it will all be fine, for them.

Whenever there is another unexplained tragic horrible shooting massacre, that seem to occur frequently. Blame violence in society caused by Hollywood, video games, the internet, trench coats, hidden messages in music, Gothic subcultures, or anything the kids are into these days. But never, ever, EVER... blame guns or threaten to restrict their distribution or sale, if you ever want to get elected in America. From my cold dead hands, but you have to kill me first and I have a cache that would make David Koresh a bit nervous. So blame Batman, and try to only use your AK only for self-defence, or turning off light bulbs.



Partially Privatised

Variety is obviously 'the spice of life', or so we've been told. But is it really? I mean really?

Or is it really...



Variety is the spice of inconsistency
Variety is the spice of sex
Variety is the luck of change
Variety is the way of nature
Variety is the business
Variety is difficult to categorise
Variety is hard to predict
Variety is not where you left it
Variety is the fuel of comedy
Variety is reason for our differences
Variety is unexpected and scary
Variety is just around the corner
Variety is coming next Tuesday
Variety is a vagabond
Variety is on a plate
Variety is magical
Variety is a word
Variety defies definition
Variety creates interesting juxtapositions
Variety hates uniformity and lists
Variety loves company and misery
Variety emits and submits
Variety deludes and excludes
Variety denies and supplies
Variety does what it wishes
Variety can be harmony
Variety will set you free
Variety is hard work
Variety rocks



Friday, July 20, 2012

The End Of History


You can find where these quotes came from yourself, I'm obviously admitting I didn't think them up originally, as some of them are quite famous or infamous in their own right or transitioning toward a common cliché for some. But one person's cultural touchstone, is another's idea of academic torture.  I could go on tangents at any time and frequently do. Some could have multiple sources. As it's all getting quite derivative and multi-layered in the world of everything. Pop will eat itself and we will all enjoy the show. So, why should I spoon feed you and say where they all came from? I mean we can all use a search engine these days, can't we?
I mean really.... Anyway quotey-time-time!


  • Never on schedule, always on time.

  • Jesus died for somebodies sins, but not mine.

  • We have met the enemy and he is us.

  • We are the music-makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.

  • I was the Dreamweaver. But now I'm reborn. 

  • No one's gonna love you more than I do.

  • The things we fear most have already happened.

  • Everything that's made, is made to decay.

  • None of this matters.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Critical Thinking


It's raining and pouring down in an absolutely filthy way, where I am currently
I can hear rain attacking the windows and wind bullying trees outside.
But to tell you the truth it gives me an excuse to be inside and do eff all.
I mean I could be doing that with sun coming through the windows,
but it always makes me feel slightly guiltier, like I am wasting daylight or sun...
Yet, If I am doing something I want to do though, is there any harm or wastage?


Weather-related Mini-Playlist:

Take a Run at The Sun - Dinosaur Jr.
Catch the Sun - Doves
Catch Up in The Sun - Beach Pigs (NZ)


Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Book Car Service


Rantfest:


People stick to old familar ways...

Nothing dates faster than the ultramodern, the cutting-edge...

Don't want it how it is now, want it like a mythical past.







Suffix collections:


-als:

Fundamental
Environmental
Ecological
Economical
Social
Political
Financial
Philosophical
Visual
Aesthetical
Spiritual
Personal
Emotional
Existential


-tions:

Meditation
Concentration
Reflection
Motivation
Conception
Contemplation
Situation
starvation
Conservation
Promotion
Preservation
Consternation


-ines

Iodine
Equine
Asinine
Intestine
Nicotine
Caffeine
Codeine
Cocaine
Morphine
Nectarine
Crystalline
Submarine
Amphetamine



Bric vs Piigs:

Brazil
Russia
India
China

Portugal
Ireland
Italy
Greece
Spain




Random Bits:

"A mask is a lie you wear on your face"

“Accept that all you can do is change yourself.”

“God is a concept by which we measure our pain” -John Lennon

  The 12th year of the 3rd millennium and of the 21st century, and the 3rd of the 2010s.

  Lease the atmosphere for pixelated messages...

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Exercise. Relaxation. Sleep.

Maintain well-being.

Perpetuate quality of life.

Increase resilience.

Help yourself.

Do stuff, then don't.

Sneak out for a break.

Get amongst it.

Grab it.

Be nice to it.

Sort it into genres.

Plan, organise, lead, control.

Flexibility, strength, self-delusion.

Snappy slogans for modern living.

Handy hints for enjoying existence.

Figure out what's important.







The Power of Habit...

Thursday, July 05, 2012

Cosmic Glue

No cause for conCERN

All the large Hadron particle collisions paid off! Smashing...

Big ups to the Higgs boson for keeping us all together!

Giving mass to the masses since ages ago.

Found it hiding in some protons.




Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Editorial Independence

"I feel a nostalgia for an age yet to come..."

"It's not so much what you didn't say,
but the tone of voice you didn't use,
when I never heard what you didn't say."

Hiding behind words and trying to fool you.

Nonsense is under-rated.




Saturday, June 23, 2012

100 Years Today

...since the birth of Alan Turing.

  • code-breaker
  • mathematician
  • father of modern computing
if not for him then we might not be doing what we're doing right now....



he even got his own google doodle for the day
what an honour

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Tango Bravo Lima



Unfortunately history is riddled with exploitaion, greed, slavery, corruption, colonisation etc... but the ones who are trying to tell you that are communist/marxist/socialist types that are only picking the bits of info that suit them... I guess it takes too long to explain, but they are right but the masses will never believe them!

a bit like the matrix, but it's just credit/debt instead of a plug in the back of ya head, but they may get the technology for that soon and give it a try...

But I guess that is not something you want to dwell on for to long, it's not the sort of thought that will get you through a hard day at the coalface. But I guess a challenge there for us to try and break the cycle, depending on your level of cynicism.

Power to the people. Right on!

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Third-party Loophole




Hash-tag Activism

Brand Ambassador
Chequebook Legislation

Integrated Marketting
Commercial Loyalty

Encouraged Apathy
Ingrained Misinformation

Corporate Manslaughter

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Inherited Privilege

If I was being polite I would say monarchies are irrelevant, quaint or redundant.

Remnants of a time of 'Divine rule', powerful dynasties and dominant bloodlines.

But really they are a celebration of inequality and blind allegiance to authority.

Isn't it time for taxpayers to stop funding the lives of the rich and famous?

How can Britain justify spending so much on Diamond Jubilee activities for Queen Liz (...and the Olympics come to think about it), when they are in a time of grave austerity and can't afford public services. Raising the costs of tertiary education, reducing welfare entitlements, reducing corporate accountability, weakening labour protection laws. Deregulation for Murdoch mates and other stuff to help the banks and screw the masses. Everybody just laps it up. As if I needed another reason to hate Paul McCartney and all the other chumps on stage waving inanely and thanking the old dear. Ok that last bit is a tad overly negative, but really I am critical of the way the majority of the western world just swallows it all down. Classless warfare.


Sunday, June 03, 2012

Transit of Venus

Completely Unconnected Randomness:


Excess Breath Alcohol
Opiate of the masses
Austerity v Stimulus
Oh sweet nothing
Highly Observant
A plethora of poo
Empty platitudes
Feed the ducks
Words losing all meaning
Back to the bad old days
Poorly conceived visual analogies






Friday, June 01, 2012

Seditious Thoughts

Burn the truth
Slash the state
Resist the Urge
Stop the party
Nah, just kidding eh

Revenge is never a good thing, but I always want it!
Feels like retribution is a substitute for justice
not a source of satisfaction for the avenger
But it just seems like some people or fictional characters
would deserve a good kicking, but where is the line?
vengeance, karma, retribution, viscous cycles
It's a slippery slope




Friday, May 25, 2012

Ultimate Insult

What's the scenario?

(a) voice
(b) time
(c) mission
(d) star


(a) enter
(b) space
(c) violation
(d) social


(a) movement
(b) science
(c) security
(d) dichotomy


(a) party
(b) cosmic
(c) Thesaurus
(d) charm


(e) sick session
(f) silver tsunami


Felt it?

Subtle Melodrama



Beyond redemption?
Is there such a thing?
A point where rehab is impossible?
Is capital punishment ever necessary?
Do we allow cycles to continually dictate everything?

Constant Stimulation



= flexible labour market = lack of collective bargaining = low wages = lack of collective bargaining = 

Unrelated  non-sentiments:
I read an article the other day about an Iranian dude on the run, that they referred to as the "Salman Rushdie of Rap" or "Rushdie of Music". Because he has had a fatwa placed upon him, due to his lyrics challenging the religious rulers of the Islamic republic. etc. etc... Anyway the term "Rushdie of Rap" made me think of alternative personality-career-cross-overs, such as:

  • "The Pythagoras of Painting"
  • "The Nostradamus of Weather-forecasting"
  • "The Brittany Spears of Politics"
  • "The Bowie of Brain Surgery"
  • "The Bart Simpson of Media Ownership"
  • "The Machiavelli of male Modelling"
  • "The Adolph Hitler of Parking Enforcement" 
  • "The Jesus of Professional Sport"
  • "The Scrooge McDuck of Finance Ministers"
  • "The Michael Bay of Party-organisation"
  • "The Richard Branson of stamp collecting"
  • "The M.C Hammer of Empire Building"
  • "The Jon Stewart of Line-dancing"
  • "The Orwell of Ornithology"
  • "The Colbert of Colonoscopy"
  • "The Oprah of Telemarketing"
  • "The Mel Gibson of Thumb-wrestling"
  • "The Will Smith of Sandcastle-Building"


How to wreck a nice beach?