If your so great... then why haven't you become disillusioned by the state that the world is in?
My life is a series of pointless tasks, that I give meaning to... but most of the time I quite enjoy them.
But when I don't enjoy it, I find it hard to cope with... guess I didn't deal with enough pain as a child?
Hopefully I have dealt with enough in the intervening years, to set myself up for a pleasant time later on...
Well it makes me feel better to think that anyway... to a certain extent.
I guess you can tell when you're tricking yourself?
Maybe sometimes the placebo effect is the best thing for you.
Feeling good just makes you feel good...
But if you cheated to make yourself feel good, it might not last as long.
Guilt is personal, shame requires an audience.
But if other people are just upset with you for no reason, fuck them!
If they wouldn't be happy whatever you did, why should you change for them?
I guess we still do though, projecting an image ourselves we want them to see.
I'm the most self-conscious person I know.
It may not sound like it: but I do leave the house and function as a semi-normal person.
Wearing my conformity on the outside and hiding away these thoughts anonymously.
The winning argument will never be uncontested.
Even the most gallant revolutions, will cause suffering for some...
(then eventually get hi-jacked by zealots).
Pessimism? Realism? Self-delusion?
I think I'm trying to do the right thing, but maybe that's just for selfish reasons too?
There are still people I want to apologise to/reconnect with, but that first hurdle is stopping me.
I think I should, but when it comes time to do anything, status quo wins again...
Pro:crasti-nation-alisation-zone-ification!!
One tiny piece of information can totally change my mood.
I'm intrigued by statistics, jigsaw puzzles and lego.
I want to build a castle, but I think that is due to the book I'm reading...
Maybe if I set myself a deadline, I will have to do it...
