Excess Baggage

Struggling with issues of insecurity, aggression,
emotions, time, eventual decay, ultimate collapse...
Find a place in the universe? hierarchy, structure, fascism,
the brat race, the system that tells us how to think, feel, act.
each given a ranking, who's above? who's below?
Shall we compete somehow to find out?
Wealth, strength, prestige, abilities, talents...
Build them up to knock 'em down!
all of the above?


This does not really make for the most entertaining narrative!

more like scraps of thought hastily (ha silly) compiled
slapped on to the internet before they can be forgotten
or destroyed by the wastages of life, whatever that means. wink wink nudge nudge

Pretty much if something sounds/looks good to me at the time I will investigate or over-analyse it for as long as I can be bothered, and this is all just a log of that. Not entirely sure why, but I've always been motivated by statistics, records, chronicles, the name on the spacies game at the local chip shop, name in the wet cement, something to be looked back on.

Basically however I can leave my mark in an anti-obvious why. So people will find it without too much fuss (perhaps with ease), but not until a wee bit later. By that time it may have less significance, and have less influence over any future events. But at least I can save it here in the old thought shed. Mental storage depot. That way I don't have to keep thinking about it, and can go on to the next thought worry free. Because I want to remember it, but the next thought may change things alot more, or be be slightly more sensational to the wider audience. But I was not really going for them... it was just for a future me (sans De Lorean ?) and those that will search just a little further. Dig just a little longer, curiosity driven, can work out the context from connecting the specifics, and vice versa.
If you think this is total bull$hi+ then fair enough, each is entitled to their own opinion, free speech yada yada, don't agree but defend your right to be a prick, yada yada. I'm not the thought police nark, but this is my wee bit of cyberspace not yours thank you very much so take your loverly opinion write it on your own blog or whatever and we'll all be fine!

Maybe I do have a vague, over complicated notion of the earth and existence in general. I dwell on the past/present and future, procrastinate how I want and just how I like. Muck about with the random things that most others forgot about or never noticed. Talk about something more than actually accomplish it.
I speculate on the unknowable and postulate on the unthinkable.
I can guess the future.
Rewrite the past.
Believe what I want and as I see fit. At least I admit it.
Then write an psudo-essay on it, with bad grammar, mispellings, made up words, poor paragraphs, lack of cohesive structure, narrative, conclusion, and/or purpose.
And loving every moment? Well at least partially enjoying if not hoping that this will come in handy at a later stage. Not caring too much though if it doesn't. It was never here.
So what if I live a dream, partially delusion resulting from thinking about so many different worldwide media/political/everyday events that you can only really focus on your own life anyway. So you will always have bias, entrenched racism, fear, xenophobia, contempt for the poor and weak, disregard for other inhabitants of the planet we won't meet, blind hatred, blaming natural disasters or unavoidable problems on an easy/marginalised scapegoat. Or are these just reasons or excuses that help to justify/maintain the status quo (infighting, nationalism, warmongering, elitist domination, arms races) and make sure that a worldwide unification or consciousness never develops? We're all citizens of the world, it just depends how far outside your turf you can see.

See there is no target market for a rant like that!
So if you read it your my key demographic!
Love you audience and crave your attention always...

Yours marginally
Twisted

(p.s shizz)

Emotional Investment

Better to write for yourself and have no public,
than to write for the public and have no self. (Some Dude) Named Cyril...

Healthy levels of paranoia, 'Misuse of drugs Act.'

I probably wouldn't really want to read this myself
if I hadn't written it, but I did. So I it partially interests me.

Free Collector Character:

Further down the rabbit hole...

To Be Confirmed

the only thing to x, is x itself.
the only thing to hate, is hate itself.
the only thing to love, is love itself.
the only thing to regret, is regret itself.
the only thing to live, is life itself.


undefined...
emotional...
physical...
mental...
sexual...
total...
... frustration/dysfunction?
maim attack decay shield claw
Is it possible we humans have over-complicated this whole life process?
fight scream choke slash steal
Doesn't life seem far easier for other animals?
Possible less enjoyable, more nasty, brutal or short?
Guess it depends where you live....
(e.g pet rats in California may have a better life
than a human in certain third world areas)

Open Ended Apology

Sorry to anyone
I have caused harm to,
especially my
friends and family...

Even if I meant to
(at the time)
after much thought
and introspection
I now regret
all that I have done...
except for this
unless it offends somebody
or causes mental anguish...

Complex Inferiority

Looking for meaning(s) in all the wrong places:

How long will it last? Short term thrills.
Till the next scandal. Climax of conclusions.
Building up to the end? Separate existence.
All in our own world. Thoughts beyond control.
Obsessed with order. Hunted by Fear.
Imagined or otherwise. The same but different.
Selective views of the past. Written by winners.
Man attacks. Gods defend. Devils laugh.

Mutton dressed as Lamb. Delusions of reality.
Drop the Hammer. Make it so...

Bumper sticker of the week:
I started life with nothing, and I still have most of it left.

Old quote of the millisecond:
What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure – Samuel Johnson