Monday, December 04, 2006

Service Of Denial

Corrugated Iron Curtin Razor Wire Mesh...

Life’s battle in its most theoretical form…

Politics of Unhappiness (moan, moan, friggin’ moan!)

Hollow people syndrome.

Is a nagging feeling of emptiness a constant nonnegotiable fact of life that is only disguised, here and there, by ambitions or tragedies that distract us momentarily? Ongoing, never-ending…

It seems we are either chasing the next obsession, or lamenting the one just gone. The satisfaction of achievement becomes eclipsed by the nothingness you feel when you don’t have something to aim for. What could you have done differently? Is regret a worthwhile emotion or just a way to look back on something you know no longer have a choice in/or control over? A yearning for the next/last high/low…

I personally feel that I am never completely satisfied with my exact situation. Is it pessimism, Realism or the inherited discontent of modern society and my isolation from… something, I don’t exactly know what... A detachment from nature? An estrangement from our natural desires for conflict and brutality? Alienation from my own labour? (I’m not Marx but work sucks) Or all of the above?

Is this my own neurosis or a widespread feeling of loneliness, depression, personal trauma, unlimited wants, lack of struggle for survival, missing outlets for primal aggression, sexual frustration, neediness?? Well OK I know it is not localised to my thoughts , because I read similar ideas from people that had died before my parents were born...

Are we really free to do as we wish?

It can be avoided whether through delusion or denial. But someday it will sneak up, grab you and give you a bit of pain… (Anxiety, loathing, malevolence, greed, hunger…)

MY SOLUTION: Fuck it, do your best and what you think is right at the time, and we’ll sort the rest out a bit later on down the track…. Comes out in the wash, swings and roundabouts, ups and downs…

But then a gentle feeling that nothing is worth stressing about for too long descends.

I couldn’t say it better:

"Verbal war paradigm
Pseudo street fighter
Removable objectivity

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