Psychic Traumas

First World Problemos

Don't you hate it... when you feel like shit and you don't really even know why....

Why do humans continually need to feel part of something larger than themselves...

 I consider myself intelligent and not particularly mentally deluded (but I guess that's debatable), but even I have difficulty separating reality from illusion sometimes. Feelings, rumours, subjectivity, groups, leisure, social interaction is a very complex game. At times I don't know how well I am doing. I am a bit of a perfectionist. I try to focus it, in a good way to help me find faults, that need to be remedied. But it also causes me to see faults more glaringly that shouldn't really worry me, as much as they do. So double-edged sword I guess. But being a perfectionist like that also means that I want everybody to like me (you wouldn't think so from this blog though, haha) so when I am not sure if I am liked or not, I start thinking stupid shit, which attracts paranoia which then leads to more negativity and such crap. So the purpose of writing this bollocks out, was the hope that by defining and attempting to explain these feelings, it might alleviate my inner tensions that stalk me, waiting for me to trip, so they can swoop in and attack en mass. Group mentality of an individual that will lose it in the end. Do we all die alone? But pathetic questions like that, are what cause us to distract ourselves so much in the first place. Like, ya know, all that weird shit that you're not into but other people are.... So all that stuff doesn't seem that relevant or key to "real-life", where "real-people" hang out in "real-communities". But when it comes down to it, humans used to have to struggle for survival. Now a lucky few (relatively speaking) of us don't  have to fight in a literal jungle or hunt food, survive attacks from other predators, etc... so were coming up with a whole lot of other 'crazy' ways to spend our time, like reading, talking, writing, listening to music, but now I'm just explaining the very basic nature of our so-called leisure. Reminds me. I haven't read a Kurt Vonnegut book for a long time...