Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Critical Meltdown

Troubled Individual Seeks Similar
My first big break (down)
This is where it got a little dark...

a jumbled mess of feelings and thoughts that will have very little meaning to all but a skip this one if you are in the mood for laughs, I just had to put it here so I could calm myself.

some tried to warn me, some couldn't see
I was in a spiral of self destruction
I had ideas above my station
I was not motivated to achieve
I was meant for something else
I was meant to be someone else
I was acting like someone else
I now don't know who I am
I am struggling

waiting around for nothing
something else may never come
others won't do it for you
if you don't act for yourself

I search for meanings never there
but life goes charging on
stop seeking out the answers
if questions are meaningless
the more you dig the less you know
and the pursuit may finish you

one person in particular saw it everyday
I ignored the warnings and now I have to pay

the worst form of torture
I developed in my mind
used only against myself
friendly fire is unkind

ignored misused and abused for so long
my mental notes became volumes of guilt
But my mind remembers it all
this could haunt me for some time

I wish I could forget or at least not regret
so now I get to rebuild in another way

The Straw That broke the Camel's Back...

I wasn't really coping but couldn't tell anyone
now I'm still not coping but don't have to lie
we have to hit bottom before we can be saved

no one to blame but myself
you were right
and I was wrong

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